Growing the plant
For practice in reading comprehension, I read essays in The Writer’s Presence. Ironically, what was mandatory reading in college is now great bathroom read material (I take pains to limit my time so I don’t get, um, you know what). The book deserves more respect than its place on top of the toilet. It’ll get a space on the bookshelf once the admissions process is over with.
With a collection of essays ranging from pop to racial identity, The Writer’s Presence is the adult version of a children’s story book. The essay I read today is entitled “Just Walk on By” by Brent Staples. It speaks of the language of fear and control Brent possessed simply by being physically intimidating, and more importantly, of African descent. As he walked down the streets of Chicago, a graduate student at U of C, he noticed his “victims” would exhibit certain behaviors such as crossing the street rather than walking by him or speeding up their pace. The coup de grace was when he walked through cross walks and heard “Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!” of power locks being used. Talk about tough.
Brent’s first reaction was to pace the sidewalk, glaring brazenly, thinking to himself “Now I’ll show them how terrifying I can be!” The surge of power you feel as a male by being able to intimidate and frighten is something most guys can agree on. Thugs of both sexes embrace this. But then Brent realized he was a victim of circumstance. Life had dealt him a hand he had to play with. So Brent began to take precautions to make himself less threatening. It is with this action he grew from being a victim of circumstance to taking control of his situation.
The admissions process to a top MBA program can strike fear and intimidate many potential applicants with menacing figures of high GMAT scores and GPA’s, autobiographies of exemplary individuals who excel in both professional and personal accomplishments, incredibly famous alumni, and low acceptance rates. It is natural to think you cannot surmount these improbable odds and get into a good program. By doing this, you have become a victim to your own insecurities.
These episodic thoughts are not uncommon to me. What if I’m not good enough? What if I am too old or not accomplished enough to get in? What if there were a turtle the size of New York?
I have to force myself to remember I am control of my state of mind. By making myself more appealing to the adcom of the schools I’m applying to, I am taking control and maturing. I have to remember this the next time I’m faced with the 15 hour work day every Thursday (Regular 8-5 job, then I teach an adult communications course pro bono from 6-10:30). And when I have to wake up at 8am on the weekends in order to study and practice for the early GMAT test, I will remember that the sacrifice of a Friday or Saturday night bar session had a purpose.
With time and practice, I am learning to smother the insecurities as they would surely lead to madness. I’m not going to be the victim. I will learn to practice this in all areas of my life. I was not dealt with the sour hand in life that so many others fall curse to, and the smart ones don’t use it as an excuse not to grow. So each day, I must continue to water the GMAT plant. It is one of the roots to the admission process and it has to grow big and strong.
P.S. An SC practice session just handed me my a** to me with French fries on the side.
Leave a Reply