The Wall

The Wall

My parents are overachievers. Both my father and mother attended the most prestigious university in Taiwan, and attended Columbia for graduate school (Father for Medicine and Mother for Law) when they immigrated to the US. It’s an understatement to say that from an early age the bar was set high. Subconsciously, I knew I would be walking in my parent’s shadow until I could fill my own shoes. The problem was my parents unknowingly bought shoes 5 sizes too large.

I grew up in secluded rural New Jersey. I rarely saw my parents due to the nature of their professions, but my parent’s financial success afforded me the luxury of private school and safety in an affluent neighborhood. I was raised by nannies that had turnover rates reminiscent of call centers. Without strong parental supervision in my life, I wandered aimlessly — a mental nomad. My teachers told my parents I had behavioral issues. Ironically, my parents had issues of their own. At the age of 8, my parents filed for divorce because of extramarital affairs. Fast forward a year, and at the age of 9, I was in my father’s custody and moved from NJ to Southern California.

I began my formative years in Los Angeles, during a time of racial tension and intolerance. I was the only Asian male in a predominantly Caucasian/Iranian Jewish school district. I was picked on for being different. I ended up getting bullied everyday in 4th and 5th grade and received numerous detentions for my frustrated outbursts. I asked my father for advice, but since he had no experience with bullying, simply told me to do more homework. My father believed studying would solve everything for me as it did for him. My principal and counselor said I was the new kid. New kids got picked on. I was sad and my grades suffered. I just wanted to be liked.

Towards the end of 5th grade, I remember my bully approaching. Experience told me to defend myself and for the first time, I triumphed in physical combat! My glory was short lived. This was the first and only fight my principal witnessed and was proof that my behavior problems were my internal and not externally influenced. I was suspended and sent to military boarding school.

I’ll never forget the first day I was dropped off. I was scared. In a delinquent child’s case, it was often a choice of sending him to juvenile hall or military school. The poor had no choice. The ones who found the financial means sent him to military school.

After the initial fear wore off, I began to grow accustomed to the structure. I finally had parental figures in my life. They barked orders at me, but secretly this pleased me because someone cared. I started doing well in school and got a 3.9 GPA for the first time. I graduated eighth grade 4th in command of the entire school with a rank of first lieutenant, won the speech contest, and was valedictorian. Finally, my parents had a reason to proud.

I returned home and started high school. My father saw how a rigid routine benefited me so he copied the structure. I had a 9 pm bedtime and could not use the phone nor watch TV. Tell this to a child growing up in high school where everybody around him is watching MTV and experimenting with drugs and sex.

It was a surreal experience starting high school in my old neighborhood. My old enemies feared my new reputation and attitude. Rap music was coming of age and glorified gang activity catapulted me up the social ladder because I knew many former gang members from military school. I was liked, but more importantly, I was cool. Or at least I faked it.

My grades did not suffer too much and I maintained a decent GPA. I enjoyed the popularity but nostalgically and physically defended nerd culture. It was my upbringing! How could I ignore that!? I ended up applying to the UC system and was accepted into UC Irvine.

Finally out of my father’s house, I had no practice in responsibility. In the past, the rules were set. Now I had none. I stayed out late and participated in all of the activities denied in high school. I rarely attended class and wound up academically disqualified my sophomore year. I was having too much fun to care. I moved to SF to be with my brother who was attending UC Berkeley.

The period between the ages of 19 and 26 is a blur. I don’t remember much except that I had the best girlfriend in the world. When I was 27, I injured myself skiing and put on 40 lbs. I was overweight, a college flunkee, had a dead end job as a print server technician, and no future. It was the lowest point of my life. And it was about to change.

I was in LA visiting my friends. We went out drinking that evening and walked back to my friend’s place. There was a stone wall that was about 7 feet high and no breaks. It was a fine piece of construction that surrounded my friend’s apartment complex and literally and figuratively kept the garbage out. We decided there was no point walking around it and one by one, began to scale the beast. I was too heavy to get over so I reached up and asked my construction worker friend to pull me up. I felt his strong grip secure my hand and began my ascent. What happened next was the miracle that changed my life.

There was an audible splat. I was disoriented and found myself on the ground. I looked up and asked what happened. My friend said he let go of my hand because I was too heavy. Here was a construction worker, who does manual labor for a living, telling me I was too much of a lard ass to be pulled over a wall. Wow. I told them it wasn’t a big deal. Inside, my heart ached. As I walked the 2 miles around the wall to my friend’s apartment, I had significant time to reflect. I decided from that day, I would kill my former myself and emerge new and improved. The wall represented every obstacle in my life. The next time I would face it, I would climb over it, with or without anyone’s help.

Upon my return to the Bay Area, I signed up for classes at a local junior college and vowed to graduate in 3 years. I got straight A’s at a local Community College and worked at an engineering firm as a HR Intern. When I finally had enough units I transferred to SFSU. It was difficult to get classes. Missing a prerequisite meant attending school for another semester. When I was faced with this situation, I took charge and transferred to USF. I graduated in 3.5 years, earning a 3.75 GPA.

During this time, I realized how fun corporate America could be. My title changed from intern to HR Associate after 3 months. After 1.5 years, I found another position at a larger company as an HRIS Administrator. My prior job as a printer server technician actually gave me the computer skills I needed to succeed in the new role. A little over a year later, I was promoted to HRIS Analyst. That’s 4 position changes in 3 years. When I graduated, I had 3 years of progressive experience and emerged a player in the work force that did not have to compete against new graduates. It was part of my strategy all along.

I was successful at what I did but desired more challenge. I am now at an even larger company in downtown San Francisco. My boss quit the second week I was there, but by then I already knew I had to go to graduate school in order to make up for my lost years.

I have a vision where I am a principal technology consultant at a world renowned consulting firm, specializing in HR technologies. Every quarter, I look for this magical position on job boards and copy the requirements to a word document where I study them and use it as a guide for my career growth. The position is the pinnacle achievement in my profession and I know I can achieve it. Each day I work towards it. Getting an MBA is one step towards success and the next wall I must climb.

I started coaching communications at Dale Carnegie. Along the way, I ended up losing 30lbs, ran two ½ marathons, volunteered at the local food bank, coached a Japanese exchange student to transfer to UCLA (she graduated last week), and directed road races with one of the oldest running clubs in San Francisco. I even ended up having one of my articles published on a popular sports website. All of this in the past 4 years.

I now know with enough work, I am smart enough to get into a top school. This is why I must try. Because of my past, I have a lot to make up for.

Many of you applicants are better academically and better off career wise than me. I hope you did not have to go through the same experiences I had to growing up. For this reason alone, I know you are in a much better position to succeed. But I’m not giving up.

When life is tough and people around you tell you can’t do it, they’re simply testing you. When you get into a good school, your friend who told you it was impossible will be the first one to congratulate you. Everybody loves an underdog.

Just keep up the studies. Apply. You never know what will happen. And when the wall stands before you, unlike my friend who let me fall, I won’t let the same happen to you.

~ by goneguru on July 10, 2008.